To Be Dissociated

Dissociation

Feeling dissociated is one of the worst things I deal with in my opinion. It's like you are alive but not living, like nothing is real, emotions are shut off, nothing at all makes any sense.

Dissociation is watching everyone else carry on with life whilst you feel like you aren't even there, it's like being dead but still being alive. It's the lack of care for emotions in the moment. Having no clue how you are alive. It's scary but sometimes relieving at the same time to be dissociated, it's shut down from all feelings and emotions but it's also not reality, which is distressing.

Coming back around from being dissociated is probably the worst part, there are way too many emotions to cope with from not having to cope with them for either a couple of hours or days. It's also being told stories about what you have done whilst dissociated that literally you can't even remember happening.

Dissociation can happen after having a triggering experience, it can be a coping mechanism. Shutting down from feeling and emotions, sometimes it's easier for people to not feel at all for a while.

Dissociation is distressing, it is being alive but not living it is absolute hell. It is emotionless and emotional all at the same time.

Hannah x