Discharge Day

Today was my discharge day with my community psychiatric nurse (CPN). 2 years ago on the 9th September I started working with my CPN on my recovery journey after 3 years under CAMHS and 2 years in and out of IAPT services also known as primary services in my area. I did not think when I would be discharged would it be over video call. It was great to see my CPN on video call but I didn’t feel like it was a proper goodbye. 

My blog has been running since December 2017, they month I decided I needed to focus on me and my recovery journey. I created my blog and started up an anonymous Twitter account which was @recoveryblog24 I didn’t want to be known as I felt mental illness was so taboo and nobody had it. I carried on being in and out of IAPT services until June 2018 they referred me to secondary services. This is where I began the work with my CPN, it’s been a very bumpy up and down journey and that pretty much sums up recovery journey it’s not a straight line that keeps going upwards that’s not how it works. I am so grateful for being referred to secondary care, I have done so much work on myself and will continue to do work on myself for the rest of my life. 

My CPN helped me with writing out my crisis plan, helped me through times I didn’t want to live, helped me realise I was dissociating and disconnected. It’s been a tough 2 years. September 2019 last year was the start of a downward spiralling crisis by December 1st I had an emergency admission followed by a 2 week admission. It came after a really hard time where I didn’t see a way out and I had prepared not to make it to 2020 somehow I did make it to 2020 and I’ve now made it to September of 2020 and I have now been officially discharged from my CPN and all care is now in the hands of my therapist. 

I still have ages to go till I’m discharged from therapy but this is definitely the step in the right direction, a step I didn’t even think I’d see. The amount of growing mentally I have done especially in the last 6 months of 2020 have really helped me bloom. I know it won’t always be sun and flowers, I know things can change and I can have set backs come my way but this time I’m stronger and more resilient this time I can accept and say to myself what’s meant for me won’t pass me by. 

Again I am so grateful for the support I have been provided without it I would simply have never learned as much I have now and I would never have learned to love myself.

Recovery is a life long journey, there is no destination it’s just continuous growth. 

Hannah x